There are two sides to everything, and each side has its own mix of emotions, reasoning, feeling and perception. Last night, Dustin saw a military homecoming from the perspective of a wife.
To the average bystander, the experiences (that of a wife who has been at home, and that of a husband who has been deployed, reuniting after months apart) should be nearly the same. But the quizzical smile on Dustin's face, in the background of one of the pictures from that night, proves that after being a military service member for the past 15, he was seeing a homecoming for the first time.
First, he witnessed the many anxious phone calls from my friend (the wife) when she was unsure if her husband was coming home "this day" or "that day."
Will it be today? she wondered. Will it be morning or night? Should I put the kids to bed? Keep them awake? What if his homecoming is postponed until tomorrow? How will I ever sleep tonight?
Dustin heard about my friend's trips to the hairdresser, her appointments to get a manicure, pedicure, facial and bronzing. Indeed, about four months prior, he saw her exciting post on Facebook: I bought my homecoming dress today!
"Already?" Dustin asked. (This from the man who only chooses what to wear based on what's reasonably clean.)
My friend talked about her stomach being in knots. She mentioned feeling restless, unable to sleep, and so incredibly anxious about the upcoming homecoming that she was "going out of my mind."
I imagine Dustin went through many of the same things (minus the pedicure, manicure, facial and bronzing) before his homecomings. But a key difference is that the returning service member is busy traveling. He has processing and debriefs to do. He has clothes to pack and work to complete. He is like a person closing up shop before heading home for dinner. He is, in a word, busy. But more importantly, every minute, he is making his way home.
The wife is perhaps equally busy (I called my friend about an hour before the homecoming; she was bathing the kids, getting dressed, and trying to make dinner) but she is going nowhere. She is waiting in a holding pattern. Thus the anxiety and restlessness.
There is an enormous build up of excitement, and it lasts for as long as the service member is en route but not yet home. Or worse, from the time he is en route but without an official homecoming date and time. It could be tomorrow; it could be a week. How does one carry on with something as mundane as laundry under such circumstances?
When we got to the airport that night--the night my friend had been waiting for since the moment her husband landed in Norfolk for "processing"--Dustin held back with obvious distance between himself and the waiting family. It was as if he didn't know his place.
I knew mine. I am a military wife. I have been in my friend's shoes. I knew she wanted me to take pictures, wave flags and basically meet her level of excitement (mission impossible, really).
Dustin was stuck in limbo. I was reminded of what one my female-service-member friends once said: I don't belong in the kitchen with the women, but I don't really belong in the den with the guys either.
My friend's cell phone rang. The plane had landed. He would be coming through the door any minute. My friend began to tear up. He kids were jumping up and down and chanting "Daddy, Daddy!" There was a moment when I thought my friend might pass out because it looked like she wasn't breathing. Her eyes were fixed on the door.
And then he walked through. She jumped in her heels, wrung her hands and smiled with tears in her eyes.
This was the part that Dustin knows. He has been there for this part. The father gathered up his children and hugged them. Then he reached for his wife and pulled her into the huddle. They kissed while children hung from their dad's shoulders.
No one in the "audience" said a word.
When I got home and uploaded the pictures, I came across one of my friend just moments before her husband came through the door. She is clutching her hands together in front of her, and she is smiling so big that veins are visible in her neck. Her skin is glowing.
Dustin is in the background. On his face is the most genuine, excited smile I have ever seen from him in a photograph. It was as if he was watching a homecoming for the first time. And in many ways, he truly was.
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